Sexplain It: My Girlfriend Has Been Refusing to Have Sex for Over a Year
6 min read
Zachary Zane helps a sexually frustrated reader in this week's Sexplain It.
I'm Zachary Zane, a sex writer and ethical manwhore (a fancy way of saying I sleep with a lot of people, and I'm very, very open about it). Over the years, I've had my fair share of sexual experiences, dating and sleeping with hundreds of people of all genders and orientations. In doing so, I've learned a thing or two about navigating issues in the bedroom (and a bunch of other places, TBH). I'm here to answer your most pressing sex questions with thorough, actionable advice that isn't just "communicate with your partner," because you know that already. Ask me anything—literally, anything—and I will gladly Sexplain It.

To submit a question for a future column, fill out this form.

Dear Sexplain It,

My girlfriend and I are both 24. We have been dating for over 4 years and have lived together for almost 2 years. This week marks 1 year since the last time we have had sex. We used to have sex much more frequently throughout the first years of our relationship, but since we moved in together sex has become less frequent until it has gotten to the point of not having it at all. The sex has stopped because of my girlfriend's lack of interest in sex, not mine.

I have done my best to be patient and communicate that I would like sex to continue to be part of our relationship, but nothing seems like it is going to change. I feel hurt, and I am tired of my feelings being ignored. I want to be in a relationship with someone who wants to have sex with me. Sex should help enhance our relationship not be a source of conflict. It has gotten to the point where I have built up some contempt towards my girlfriend and I don't enjoy feeling this way. I understand we aren't going to have in-sync sex drives for the rest of our lives. Part of a relationship is compromise. I am sick of feeling stuck in this situation. I want to have sex, but I don't want it to feel coerced. I don't know how to fix this or and I am beginning to doubt if this problem can be fixed.

— Sexually…
Zachary Zane
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